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Ep32 – Ethics, Values and Handing Over
I just love watching her grow. I never realised before I was a parent just how unique every child is. I just assumed she was going to be just a mixture of my husband and myself, but she really is he own little self. I adore the fact she is now taking on the role of helping others. I really want her to be a good person, to be happy about herself and who she is. Key points Teach our...
Behaviour, Learning, Parenting, Philosophy, Socialisation
Ep31 – Traditions and Special Times
What are the traditions that are particular to your family? Many people struggle to remember what they are, but they are very important as a conduit for improving relationships within your family. As for these relationships, do each of them have a ‘special time’ allocated to them that is unique to that relationship? If not, can you think of how you can make that happen? Key points Traditions naturally encourage family connections. Every relationship within a family should have at...
Ep27 – Problem solving
I know I should probably have let her sort that out, but I know she is going to just get it wrong. Why does she make such silly decisions? Surely she can see that that is not going to work out well. I just wish she would think a bit more carefully before jumping the gun. I suppose I should be teaching her about these things, but I just don’t have the time… Key points Problem solving is a skill...
Ep26 – The family chat
I love talking about family chats, which is actually my name for what is formally called ‘planned conversations’ in a parenting environment. Outlining family chats is usually met with a mixture of surprise and pensive reflection. Parents rarely have heard of them, and have hardly ever done them. Despite this, they are really useful. Give them a whirl! They usually end up improving family dynamics, and most people, parents and kids, are pleased they are introduced into a household. Key...
Ep23 – Consequences
This is the meat and potatoes – the stuff that everyone wants to know! When I am consulting or presenting, the attention in the room immediately becomes more focused when you start talking about consequences. What do we actually do when they are mucking up? I usually see light bulbs lighting up – oh, that’s what consequences are all about. You will see, it is not so much about being hard or soft, but more about doing it right. Key...
Ep22 – When and how to discipline
Why am I always shouting at my child? He just seems to take no notice of either of us. We just seem to be getting angrier and angrier, and giving him more and more consequences, but nothing seems to work. Our house is turning into a battle zone. I shudder to think what the neighbours think. I wonder if there is something wrong with him, or maybe I am just a hopeless parent? Key points If we discipline too much,...
Ep21 – Why we Discipline Children
Of all the topics I discuss with parents about their children, discipline is by far the most contentious. Some parents have a lot of trouble accepting that their own opinion may be wrong. Others have a lot of trouble reconciling different attitudes of their spouse to those of their own. Yet the paediatric and psychology worlds have well developed principles in regard to discipline based on decades accumulating a vast array of research and thinking. So let’s have a think...
Ep20 – Praise
I think I am starting to get the idea of how to praise Andy the right way. Before I was just going over the top and doing it too much. He just didn’t seem to believe me. Now I am being more selective, and really thinking about what exactly I am praising, and making it more believable. My husband and I are trying to build his self esteem, which has been dropping at times, and it seems to be working....
Ep17 – The fried egg of communication
Can you communicate effectively with your child and not let their or your emotions get in the way? It can be difficult to do this, especially when things are tense. What are you actually trying to say? What are they actually trying to say? Are you hearing each other? Key points Define the problem and the emotions around it State calmly what the problem is Teach your kids to look beyond emotions The fried egg of communication When we are...
Ep15 – Siblings and Gender
When we brought the new baby home, everything seemed to be going well at first. Davy seemed to be very fond of his new younger sister, even if he did try and pat her on the head a little too firmly! Over the next few months, however, things went pear-shaped. Davy’s behaviour deteriorated. The frequency of his tantrums dramatically escalated, he became so clingy, and if I dared pay attention to his younger sister, boy, he would just lose it....