Category: Learning

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Ep30 – When things go wrong – part 2

The other day we were at the supermarket and the two of them were both screaming about something, I don’t know what, but then Angela completely lost it. I mean, she just went off. She was literally lying on the ground of the freezer aisle and screaming like a banshee. When I tried to pick her up and put her in the trolley she pulled my hair and tried to hit me. I was so embarrassed. Why is my child…

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Ep29 – When things go wrong – part 1

I sometimes feel embarrassed about how I over-react to Nick’s behaviour. I know he can be naughty, and boy, he really knows how to press my buttons, but I should know better. I mean, I am the adult. I don’t know why, but I just lose it. I find myself in a complete rage. There are times when I think to myself that I am glad that no-one I know is there to witness how I behave. Key points Connect…

Ep28 – Success and failure

It seems she takes everything about herself so negatively. The slightest criticism is taken to heart, and she won’t here anything positive that we say about her. I am quite sure she thinks she is a failure. She even called herself a ‘loser’ the other day. I just wish there was some way I could build her self esteem. I mean, she has so many positive qualities. Key points Encourage self-belief. Help your child discover their islands of competence. Let…

Ep27 – Problem solving

I know I should probably have let her sort that out, but I know she is going to just get it wrong. Why does she make such silly decisions? Surely she can see that that is not going to work out well. I just wish she would think a bit more carefully before jumping the gun. I suppose I should be teaching her about these things, but I just don’t have the time… Key points Problem solving is a skill…

Ep26 – The family chat

I love talking about family chats, which is actually my name for what is formally called ‘planned conversations’ in a parenting environment. Outlining family chats is usually met with a mixture of surprise and pensive reflection. Parents rarely have heard of them, and have hardly ever done them. Despite this, they are really useful. Give them a whirl! They usually end up improving family dynamics, and most people, parents and kids, are pleased they are introduced into a household. Key…

Ep25 – Punishment and slapping

Some of the more common questions I receive from parents are ‘Is it ok to punish kids?’,  ‘What is the best way to punish kids?’ or ‘Is slapping ok?’. In order to answer these, it is best to consider what punishment and slapping are, what they aim to achieve and what they actually do achieve.    Key points Harsh and aggressive punishments do NOT work. Accentuate the positive Slapping does NOT work. Punishment The word punishment actually comes from the…

Ep22 – When and how to discipline

Why am I always shouting at my child? He just seems to take no notice of either of us. We just seem to be getting angrier and angrier, and giving him more and more consequences, but nothing seems to work. Our house is turning into a battle zone. I shudder to think what the neighbours think. I wonder if there is something wrong with him, or maybe I am just a hopeless parent? Key points If we discipline too much,…

Ep20 – Praise

I think I am starting to get the idea of how to praise Andy the right way. Before I was just going over the top and doing it too much. He just didn’t seem to believe me. Now I am being more selective, and really thinking about what exactly I am praising, and making it more believable. My husband and I are trying to build his self esteem, which has been dropping at times,  and it seems to be working….

Ep19 – Negativity

We can often see our own communication skills through rose coloured glasses. How aware are you of how you talk and communicate with your child? What percentage of your interaction is positive or negative? How are you perceived by your child? Do you want to improve the style with which you get your messages across? Doing an audit on your own communication style can help you understand where you are now, and also help you improve how you connect with…

Ep18 – Stretching Out and Showing Respect

I find myself barking at and ordering Jennifer all the time. I don’t know how or why it happens, but she doesn’t seem to take what I say seriously. Sometimes I wonder if she hears me at all. Where did I go wrong? I don’t talk like that to other people. Am I a bad mother? I wish we could just get along a bit better. Key points Let them talk. This will help them figure out things themselves. Sometimes…

Ep17 – The fried egg of communication

Can you communicate effectively with your child and not let their or your emotions get in the way? It can be difficult to do this, especially when things are tense. What are you actually trying to say? What are they actually trying to say? Are you hearing each other? Key points Define the problem and the emotions around it State calmly what the problem is Teach your kids to look beyond emotions The fried egg of communication When we are…

Ep16 – Communication and Nagging

There is listening, and then there is really listening. If two people are talking to each other, or even communicating without actually talking (you know, using all that non-verbal stuff), the effectiveness of this communication depends on how much respect you give to the other person. How well do you listen to your child? How much attention and respect do you give to what they have to say? Key points Listen without a filter Mirror back with words and gestures…