Category: Discipline

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Ep30 – When things go wrong – part 2

The other day we were at the supermarket and the two of them were both screaming about something, I don’t know what, but then Angela completely lost it. I mean, she just went off. She was literally lying on the ground of the freezer aisle and screaming like a banshee. When I tried to pick her up and put her in the trolley she pulled my hair and tried to hit me. I was so embarrassed. Why is my child…

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Ep29 – When things go wrong – part 1

I sometimes feel embarrassed about how I over-react to Nick’s behaviour. I know he can be naughty, and boy, he really knows how to press my buttons, but I should know better. I mean, I am the adult. I don’t know why, but I just lose it. I find myself in a complete rage. There are times when I think to myself that I am glad that no-one I know is there to witness how I behave. Key points Connect…

Ep25 – Punishment and slapping

Some of the more common questions I receive from parents are ‘Is it ok to punish kids?’,  ‘What is the best way to punish kids?’ or ‘Is slapping ok?’. In order to answer these, it is best to consider what punishment and slapping are, what they aim to achieve and what they actually do achieve.    Key points Harsh and aggressive punishments do NOT work. Accentuate the positive Slapping does NOT work. Punishment The word punishment actually comes from the…

Ep24 – Time Outs

When parents ask me what can they do to help control ‘the terrible twos’ I often start the potential approaches to the melt downs by talking about time outs. They are commonly done, but often not entirely correctly. Common errors include too many warnings, engaging with the child during time outs, holding onto a door to keep it closed and the child in a room, and big long explanations afterwards. Let’s have a think about how we can get it…

Ep23 – Consequences

This is the meat and potatoes – the stuff that everyone wants to know! When I am consulting or presenting, the attention in the room immediately becomes more focused when you start talking about consequences. What do we actually do when they are mucking up? I usually see light bulbs lighting up – oh, that’s what consequences are all about. You will see, it is not so much about being hard or soft, but more about doing it right. Key…

Ep22 – When and how to discipline

Why am I always shouting at my child? He just seems to take no notice of either of us. We just seem to be getting angrier and angrier, and giving him more and more consequences, but nothing seems to work. Our house is turning into a battle zone. I shudder to think what the neighbours think. I wonder if there is something wrong with him, or maybe I am just a hopeless parent? Key points If we discipline too much,…

Ep21 – Why we Discipline Children

Of all the topics I discuss with parents about their children, discipline is by far the most contentious. Some parents have a lot of trouble accepting that their own opinion may be wrong. Others have a lot of trouble reconciling different attitudes of their spouse to those of their own. Yet the paediatric and psychology worlds have well developed principles in regard to discipline based on decades accumulating a vast array of research and thinking. So let’s have a think…

Ep20 – Praise

I think I am starting to get the idea of how to praise Andy the right way. Before I was just going over the top and doing it too much. He just didn’t seem to believe me. Now I am being more selective, and really thinking about what exactly I am praising, and making it more believable. My husband and I are trying to build his self esteem, which has been dropping at times,  and it seems to be working….

Ep19 – Negativity

We can often see our own communication skills through rose coloured glasses. How aware are you of how you talk and communicate with your child? What percentage of your interaction is positive or negative? How are you perceived by your child? Do you want to improve the style with which you get your messages across? Doing an audit on your own communication style can help you understand where you are now, and also help you improve how you connect with…

Ep18 – Stretching Out and Showing Respect

I find myself barking at and ordering Jennifer all the time. I don’t know how or why it happens, but she doesn’t seem to take what I say seriously. Sometimes I wonder if she hears me at all. Where did I go wrong? I don’t talk like that to other people. Am I a bad mother? I wish we could just get along a bit better. Key points Let them talk. This will help them figure out things themselves. Sometimes…

Ep17 – The fried egg of communication

Can you communicate effectively with your child and not let their or your emotions get in the way? It can be difficult to do this, especially when things are tense. What are you actually trying to say? What are they actually trying to say? Are you hearing each other? Key points Define the problem and the emotions around it State calmly what the problem is Teach your kids to look beyond emotions The fried egg of communication When we are…

Ep16 – Communication and Nagging

There is listening, and then there is really listening. If two people are talking to each other, or even communicating without actually talking (you know, using all that non-verbal stuff), the effectiveness of this communication depends on how much respect you give to the other person. How well do you listen to your child? How much attention and respect do you give to what they have to say? Key points Listen without a filter Mirror back with words and gestures…